I’m not going to bore you with a legal definition or some government brochure. Because here’s the truth: if you want to do what’s best for your child, forget about Child Support.
Why? Because the system is transactional. It’s based on numbers — your income, your partner’s income, the age of the kids, and how many nights they spend in each home per fortnight. Not quality time. Not emotional presence. Just nights. Tick the box, divide the dollars, call it “support.”
But let’s be honest. You might be sitting there thinking, “I don’t want that bastard going anywhere near my kids. Not after what they did to me.”
Or maybe, “They’re always working — the kids need me. They’re too young to be passed back and forth.”
I get it. These feelings are real. History is messy. But here’s the thing: Child Support is supposed to be about the child. Not the ex. Not the money. Not the pain of what happened between you two.
Real child support? It’s showing up. It’s being present. It’s two adults, broken or not, doing their best to raise healthy, whole kids who don’t have to carry the baggage of your war.
Real child support isn’t a payment. It’s a mindset. It’s asking: What does my child need to grow up feeling safe, loved, and supported?
Let’s break it down. Kids don’t just need a roof and a sandwich. They need:
Now here’s the thing: none of that fits neatly into a formula. The government calculator doesn’t ask, “Does your kid love art?” or “Do they need extra tutoring in maths?”
So if you're clinging to Child Support as a definition of your contribution, you're missing the point. It's not about ticking financial boxes. It's about showing your child that their world matters — and both their parents are willing to build it.
Yes, you might earn a lot less than your ex. You might rely on Child Support payments to get by. And that's valid — raising kids is expensive, and no one should be left doing it all alone.
But remember this: what you want is support for your child — not a punishment for your ex. You want that help to go toward their real needs: school shoes, swimming lessons, dentist visits, birthday presents. Not to fuel the fight.
And yes, maybe things got so messy, so painful, that you’ve taken away visitation rights. Maybe there were good reasons for that. That’s a separate conversation, one that needs its own space.
But here’s something you can’t delete: you have kids together. Kids who didn’t choose the separation. Kids who love both their parents. Kids who watch how you treat each other, and learn what love, respect, and responsibility look like.
Whether you like it or not, you’re still a family. You’re still a mum. You’re still a dad. And your child still needs both of you — in whatever safe, healthy way that can happen.
So stop making it about the money. Start making it about the child.
Forget the minimum. Think about the meaningful — the kind of support that helps your child grow, heal, and thrive.
Because I care. Because I’ve lived it. Because I know it can be done differently — before money, anger, and heartbreak cloud our judgment.
My name is Benjamin Hoch. I’m a father to a boy and a girl.
At the time of our separation, my son was 8 and my daughter was 6. I’ll never forget her reaction when we sat down and told her — together — that we had decided to separate. She cried and then went quiet – I will never forget that day.
She knew what it meant. She had friends in similar situations. And in her little mind, she probably imagined the worst: Parents who don’t talk. Parents who live in different cities. Kids shuttled back and forth, packing their lives into bags every second week.
And that broke me. Not because we were separating — but because of what she thought it would mean.
That’s why I’m sharing this. Not as a lawyer, not as a counsellor — but as a dad who’s been through it, and who believes there’s a better way. A way that puts the kids first. A way that sees both parents as humans, not enemies. A way that replaces “Child Support” with real support — emotional, financial, and practical.
If any of this resonates with you, I’m here. You’re not alone.
I have since become a certified results coach and started “The Amicable Way” with my friend who has a similar story to mine.
To have a chat you can email me at theamicableway@gmail.com or click below to schedule a time to talk:
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